I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
