If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
