Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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