I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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