I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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