it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
