Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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