I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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