I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
