You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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