hotel room ftw
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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