3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
