she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
