why didn't you poke me back
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
