sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
