you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
