Are we in a gay sports bar?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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