so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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