I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I could fuck to npr.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
