she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
