You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
