So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
