sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
