its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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