New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My feet surprised me
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