Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
