I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
