I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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