I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
