I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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