he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
