two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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