PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
