My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
