Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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