Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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