Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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