I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
