In America we eat man semen.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
