Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize