so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish you could order shots online.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
