just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
