he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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