so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize