I didn't shave. On purpose
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
