he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
