my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
