I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
