Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
