no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
