was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
