im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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