Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
