Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just tell him i said nine months
I need to stop coming to work sober
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
