i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
