Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize