i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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