No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
