My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
